Journal

Post-op Journal
It is great to finally say……POST-OP! I had my surgery and survived. I knew I would make it, but it was scary and it has been a long week. I thought it was important to keep a day-to-day journal for others about to have the surgery.

Day 0: Pre-op and Post –op
Surgery is today! Freaking out here! I got to the hospital around 6:30am. I was given pills to relax at 7am, so I wasn’t as nervous anymore. In fact, I was a little goofy. As I walked back to the operating room, I had to say good bye to my mom and dad. Saying good bye almost made me cry so I quickly said good bye and walked away. All I remember from the operating room was my anesthesiologist and a nurse. The anesthesiologist said he was going to give me something to relax me even more but that is all I remember, so I think it did more than relax me – it knocked me completely out. I don’t recall being woke up. I came to an hour or so after surgery in the recovery room with a nurse nearby. The entire day was kind of a blur and time went by really quickly. Before I knew it, the day was over and it was bed time. I slept pretty good except the nurse came in a lot throughout the night, but it was okay because most of the time she was giving me more morphine. Morphine was my best friend!

Day 1: Going home
I got a visit from the Doctor this morning around 7am, and was told I looked really good and could go home. However, I had to wait until 10am before I was released by the nurses. The drive home was miserable. It was a two hour drive home and it seemed to take forever even though I slept most of the way. I was so happy to finally be home!

Day 2: Keeping it Clean
Woke up at 6:30am with lots of pain and discomfort. Hanging in there though. I found that even though I am tired and it takes all my energy to clean my mouth - I feel ten times better when I am done. I use my baby tooth brush and brush bottom and top & front to back (all the way back). I was given a sponge sucker; it is on a sucker stick with a small round sponge at the top. I soak it in salt water and gently move it around my stitches to get all the saliva and liquid food that builds up. It takes a lot out of me, but it really does feel good after I am done. Doing this twice a day everyday!

Day 3: What have I done!
Happy 25th Birthday to ME!!!! Not really a great birthday at all! I think today is the roughest day yet. Maybe it’s due to the fact that its my birthday and I am miserable. But today is the first day I thought to myself “what have I done!” I know I will feel better soon, but today is not the day!

Day 4: Feeling Great!
Considering it was only 4 days ago that I had surgery…..I’m doing rather well. I was told that day 4 and 5 are the hardest days. I was told that the swelling the bruising gets the worse today, but so far I have no bruising and the swelling is not all that bad. Compared to yesterday – I feel like a rock star!
Lots of drooling though but using a warm salt water mouth wash seems to help a lot.

Day 5: Mouth exercises
Since the beginning I was told I should talk instead of write everything. Well the problem is no one could understand me since day one so I write a lot. However, I really need to talk so I can work out the muscles in my jaw. So instead I do mouth exercises. I smile and relax multiple times during the day. It seems to be helping me talk better today.

Day 6: Adventure Out
Today I left the house for the first time. I went to the store down the street and only bought four items, but that little adventure out took a lot out of me. Baby-steps!

Day 7: 1 WEEK POST-UP!
I cannot believe it has been one week since I had upper and lower jaw surgery! I cannot believe that I still never had any bruising or real swelling either. I fear every morning when I wake up that when I look into the mirror I will a huge black and blue head. But every morning I wake up and it looks better and better.

Want to take time to say thanks……Thank you Mom! My 24 hour care giver- You are the best! LOVE YOU LOTS
Thank you Jimmy! (1434) My 24 hour “putting up with me” care giver  aka boyfriend!
Thank you Dad! My strength giver – I love you so much.
Thank you Neesie, Kyle, and Chris-D for helping around the house– I love you guys!
Thank you Jo Mom and Aunt Steph for the home made soups!
Thank you everyone who called me to say happy b-day, hang in there, and I love you, etc….

Out with the old, and in with the new

Surgery is tomorrow. Wow, really tomorrow! Ready or not….

… here I go

– wish me luck!

By-the-way

I don’t have internet at home, so I will do my best to find my way to this blog and let everyone know how I am doing.

Thanks in advance for the support!

Met with the Ortho - I HATE surgical hooks !

Met with the ortho and got my surgical hooks put in and the strongest wires on the top and bottom.

My mouth hurts so bad. I thought my spacers hurt, but this is unbearable! Its cutting my mouth up and the pressure is giving me a sinus headache feeling.

I cannot eat...looks like I am starting my soft food diet early! ERRR, wish I would have ate a better last meal the night before.

Has anyone else experienced this before?

Pre-Op APT was yesterday.....

Had my pre-op apt yesterday. I feel more worried now than before! Is the surgery really this Friday?

I maybe blessed - but I am still stressed!

I got to Oakland at 11am and Met with my surgeon, got about 90% chance of a full recovery. 9/10....not bad!

11:30 am had my pre-surgery check up...I'm as healthy as can be!

Went to a two hour class at 2pm about what to expect before and after surgery...I was the dorky one who already knew everything...made me feel like a total geek, but my profession is managing a Library, so i guess i am. lol

Anyways, according to them - "I AM READY!".... okay-deep breaths! (calm down)

"Too Blessed to be Stressed"

"Too blessed to be stressed"

I used to hear these words everyday from an old employee (who unfortunately passed away a few years ago.)

These words have stuck with me for some time now, but today they really stood out.

A wonderful family member just emailed me some really wonderful advise and words of encouragement. (to that person, you know who you are - Thank you again I love you!)

I have so many people who love me and are supporting me – that my worries are less and less.

I am too blessed to be stressed about this surgery!

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving, and I know exactly what I will say if someone asks me what I am thankful for - Without a doubt the answer is family and friends.

Peace of Mind

In the blogs I have posted before, I wrote about my fears of having jaw surgery. I have been praying for everything to be okay, to have a fast recovery, and for nothing to go wrong. Yesterday’s blog I wrote about my fear of having a panic / anxiety attack and how I would handle myself at the Hospital right before and after surgery.

Last night I read something that just made me feel a lot better and I thought I would share this with everyone.

“We pray for a certain outcome in any given situation, when what we should be praying for is peace of mind – No matter which outcome occurs.” Sarah Ban Breathnach

WOW! What a powerful and true statement! All this time I have been praying about the outcome when I really just need to pray for is peace of mind. I should pray to have the strength to except whatever happens- happens.

panic / anxiety attack

My Jaw surgery is fast approaching! This Friday will be exactly two weeks until surgery…..I am so incredibly scared. I feel a panic / anxiety attack coming on every time I think about it. I am really worried that I may not be strong enough to handle this unknowing adventure I got myself into here. I have read everything I can possible read about upper and lower jaw surgery. I have talked to numerous people about their experience. But talking about it or reading about it will never compare to actually going through it. Everyone asks me if I am ready for my surgery…I just smile and sarcastically tell them “NO” {Is anyone really ready for this, I think to myself}. I am really not ready; I mean, I am but I am not – if that makes sense? I have been waiting for this my whole life! People think I am brave for going through with this, but I am not at all brave. In fact, I scare easy (just say “boo” and I jump!) and worry about everything (constantly dwell on what has happened or what will happen – etc). Like I said before – I know everything will be okay. However, my reaction and my panic / anxiety attacks worry me. I wonder if I will freak out at the hospital before they put me under, I wonder when I wake up if I will freak out and make things worse, and I wonder if I will be at home and have a panic attack over my mouth wired shut. I think I may be more worried about me and my capability to cope with right before and after surgery than what my jaw will look like after and undergoing the surgery itself.

Attention: All who ready this – any words of wisdom, encouragement, etc….?

Thanks in advance to all who have and will be there for me as I travel on this journey! You all have no idea how much you all mean to me! Thank you!!!!

DDI Imaging

Before Jaw Surgery..... http://www.ddicenter.com/

One Month!

In exactly one month I will be having Jaw Surgery!

Me Before Braces

My 1st X-Ray at the ortho taken on Sept 9, 2006

Here is a picture of me before braces.....Those that know me can most likely see that I am pushing my lower jaw foward to make my profile look better.

Butterflies in my Stomach

I am so nervous. I have butterflies in my stomach. I am starting to not be as scared though. I talked to my uncle who had the jaw surgery 15 years ago. He told me that when he had the surgery his mouth was wired shut for 6 weeks! I only have to endure 10 days of a liquid diet and he had over a month of it. He was never told by anyone (until the day of the surgery) that he would have his mouth wired shut, he never knew that he’d be on a liquid diet, he did not have the internet to talk to anyone who had this surgery, he had no idea what to expect or that he might have permanent nerve damage either. It sounded like to me that he went to a hack saw of a surgeon the way he described things to me. So unlike him, I know what I am getting myself into, I know what to expect to a certain extent, I have people online who have talked about their experience and who are totally happy with their results. My uncle does have permanent nerve damage due to his jaw surgery, he cannot feel certain parts of his face and there is a constant tingle feeling to his bottom lip and chin. However, despite his experience and the permanent nerve damage – he is still happy he had the surgery and he said if he had to do it all over again – He would. This made me feel a lot more at ease since I know deep down that I will be okay and even if something does go wrong, I will be happy with the end result. I am going to one of the best surgeons in the nation. I am nervous, but I think I am more anxious than anything.

Fast Foward

I wish I could fast foward through time and see what the result of my actions will bring. Looking back I know that if I would have had this surgery when I was younger, my life might be different now....but who knows how different. I know that every decision I have made in the past led me to where I am today and the person who I have become. Going through this surgery will lead me on another path, and I just cannot help but wonder where the path goes and where I will end up. The decision to go through with this surgery was very easy....YES, yes I will have this surgery - without a doubt. However, my fears are after surgery. What will my life be like, what tables will turn, and what will be the result of my action to go forth with this surgery. Of course I wonder if I will be okay and if I will have a 100 % recover; that is number one. But next on the list is my life chaning experience. The journey will be interesting and in the end I cannot live with regret. For every negative there is a positive and visa-versa.

It is starting to "hit home"

Every time I think about my jaw surgery; which is fast approaching, the more and more I feel sick to my stomach. Please god, I pray to be okay. I pray for a fast recovery and more importantly to have everything be okay. No! I PRAY, absolutely NO problems or any of the risks factors to happen to me. I can’t help but think of my jaw surgery at least once a day, if not twice to three times a day and I usually think about it for at least an hour depending on who is around me. When I am alone, I think of the worst case scenarios longer. Talking about my feelings and writing them down seem to help a little. I just wish I could look into the future and see the results, see what my life is like after surgery. See a head of time if it was worth it. Everyone tells me that I will be okay. They all say I will look great and be very happy I did it. I am glad that I am starting to worry though, that it is finally hitting home. And the more I worry about the worst the more I know deep down that I will be satisfied when everything ends up working out. Or even if I have a little complication, it most likely won’t be that bad as the stuff I am thinking about now.