Tuesday, October 30, 2007
Monday, October 29, 2007
I am so nervous. I have butterflies in my stomach. I am starting to not be as scared though. I talked to my uncle who had the jaw surgery 15 years ago. He told me that when he had the surgery his mouth was wired shut for 6 weeks! I only have to endure 10 days of a liquid diet and he had over a month of it. He was never told by anyone (until the day of the surgery) that he would have his mouth wired shut, he never knew that he’d be on a liquid diet, he did not have the internet to talk to anyone who had this surgery, he had no idea what to expect or that he might have permanent nerve damage either. It sounded like to me that he went to a hack saw of a surgeon the way he described things to me. So unlike him, I know what I am getting myself into, I know what to expect to a certain extent, I have people online who have talked about their experience and who are totally happy with their results. My uncle does have permanent nerve damage due to his jaw surgery, he cannot feel certain parts of his face and there is a constant tingle feeling to his bottom lip and chin. However, despite his experience and the permanent nerve damage – he is still happy he had the surgery and he said if he had to do it all over again – He would. This made me feel a lot more at ease since I know deep down that I will be okay and even if something does go wrong, I will be happy with the end result. I am going to one of the best surgeons in the nation. I am nervous, but I think I am more anxious than anything.
Wednesday, October 24, 2007
I wish I could fast foward through time and see what the result of my actions will bring. Looking back I know that if I would have had this surgery when I was younger, my life might be different now....but who knows how different. I know that every decision I have made in the past led me to where I am today and the person who I have become. Going through this surgery will lead me on another path, and I just cannot help but wonder where the path goes and where I will end up. The decision to go through with this surgery was very easy....YES, yes I will have this surgery - without a doubt. However, my fears are after surgery. What will my life be like, what tables will turn, and what will be the result of my action to go forth with this surgery. Of course I wonder if I will be okay and if I will have a 100 % recover; that is number one. But next on the list is my life chaning experience. The journey will be interesting and in the end I cannot live with regret. For every negative there is a positive and visa-versa.
Monday, October 15, 2007
Every time I think about my jaw surgery; which is fast approaching, the more and more I feel sick to my stomach. Please god, I pray to be okay. I pray for a fast recovery and more importantly to have everything be okay. No! I PRAY, absolutely NO problems or any of the risks factors to happen to me. I can’t help but think of my jaw surgery at least once a day, if not twice to three times a day and I usually think about it for at least an hour depending on who is around me. When I am alone, I think of the worst case scenarios longer. Talking about my feelings and writing them down seem to help a little. I just wish I could look into the future and see the results, see what my life is like after surgery. See a head of time if it was worth it. Everyone tells me that I will be okay. They all say I will look great and be very happy I did it. I am glad that I am starting to worry though, that it is finally hitting home. And the more I worry about the worst the more I know deep down that I will be satisfied when everything ends up working out. Or even if I have a little complication, it most likely won’t be that bad as the stuff I am thinking about now.